On Hiatus

The blog has been on hiatus since February as I determine new directions to travel in.  I also really haven't wanted to talk much about what's going on in my life.

Anyway, thanks for stopping by.  Feel free to read earlier posts.

lin

Happy Valentine's Day

I guess.

Being a long time singleton, I suppose I should have a jaded view of Valentine's Day.  Though it does have historical significance, and yes there was/is actually a Saint Valentine, in so many ways it has become just another effort by card makers, candy manufacturers, lingerie producers, and florists to pull money out of your wallet.

But I'm still a romantic at heart.  And I had a great time recently decorating bulletin boards in my apartment complex to celebrate Valentine's Day.  It's a pity that notices prevent a clear view of it but you can get the idea.

 I hope I can continue to do the bulletin boards now that I'm no longer part of the Association 'team.'  People have really liked my little efforts, and I think it's a morale booster certainly.

On another front, I'm now back to updating the shop more regularly (shameless plug: rhodyart.etsy.com).  And I've actually finished the small cards I've been working on for what seems like an eternity.

These are four of them.  I need to edit the scans down to individual cards and upload each one, with suitable stories told about each character of course.  I have to start working on the larger cards.  I want to get these uploaded by the time my Christmas card listings expire in mid March.

I've been debating the usefulness of having actual "greeting cards" versus the blank note cards I've been concentrating on.  My problem is that I don't really have a good way of printing a greeting on the inside--or I haven't figured out how to do it anyway.  Not with the Strathmore cards I've been using anyway.  Maybe I'll figure it out someday.

I am pleased, though, that my creativity is beginning to creep back, ever so slowly, into my life.

I Am Too Good Natured By Half

And in spite of myself I seem to find myself still somewhat embroiled in the fortunes of the Tenants Association.  I did formally step down on Thursday, turn in my keys and my files at the meeting.  The president stepped down as well.  And, because no one stepped up to serve as either president or treasurer (the VP doesn't want to be president), most people thought, "Well, that's the end of the association."  As did I.

However, because the meeting wasn't run according to Robert's Rules of Order, a book with which I confess little experience, apparently our assumption was incorrect.  The Housing Authority says the Association still exists, currently with only a Vice President and Secretary running it.  With the VP doing 99% of the work.  And, even though I have formally stepped down as Treasurer, both the VP and the Authority seem to want me to hang around a bit until things get worked out.

Fine, I said, with the understanding that I want my life back.  I'm not doing bingo nights, for one thing.  And I am only willing to do emergency-type jobs--if a check needs signing, for example.  We are supposed to have a "Mandatory Meeting" on Wednesday.  Hopefully things get sorted out then.

View from my 6th floor balcony--the lights are from Cogswell Tower in Jenks Park

In the meantime, Rhode Island and the rest of the Northeast has been dealing with the aftermath of Winter Storm Nemo which dumped various amounts of snow.  One would think that in a region supposedly familiar with snow people would A. know how to drive in it; B. know how to shovel it; C. know how to plow it.  Not true.

Having been confined to the house for three days I ventured out today to do a couple of errands and came back drenched from knees down.  Sleet and rain coated the streets of Central Falls with virtual ponds of slushy water at the beginning of each street.  Snowplows had piled mounds of dirty snow against curbs and as usual business owners and home owners decided that pedestrians weren't important, resulting in few clear sidewalks.  Meaning, of course, that I had to once again engage in dodging cars on a very congested road.  The slush coated the gutters next to the snow mounds and my only option was to walk in that slush.  Unless, of course I wanted to walk in the middle of the street.  Not a wise move.  By the time I got back home my feet were sodden, numb blocks.

I suppose I should have waited until Tuesday.  But I was feeling confined and needed to get out of Dodge for a little while. 

One would think that with the time I've spent at home I would have accomplished a great deal.  One would be wrong.  I wasted two days, basically, moping around the house because I was upset about the whole Association thing.  Yesterday it seemed that each time I attempted to start working on greeting cards someone would be at the door needing me for something.  It wasn't until late afternoon and early evening that I actually managed to finish the small cards, but for the silly sayings.

I recently obtain a new collection of Dover illustrations, this one from the Edwardian age.  The man's image on the left comes from that collection.

And the woman on the left is also from that collection.

This afternoon I pulled together some silly sayings to add to these cards.  I want to turn some of these into birthday and get well cards, but it's a lot harder to come up with funny (and not cliched) get well things than I thought.

The larger cards, when I get to them, will hopefully feature some Easter and other cards.  But let's get these small ones done first.

At least I am finally working on something creative.  It's about time.

Since I Last Wrote: Book 2

I seem to be spending much of my time apologizing for what I cannot do.  When I wrote last time, over a week ago, I was reflecting upon my new gig, that of treasurer of my building's tenants association. 

The new gig will end after 16 days.  I cannot cope.

And it's not the work that I can't cope with--it's the infighting, the squabbling, the incessant griping.  I've had it, and my health--all around--has had it.

Actually it took 8 days for that to happen.  A week ago, there was some kind of incident after which the association Vice President went ballistic and swore she was going on strike.  And there were other things.  That night I went upstairs, measured my blood pressure, and it was close to crisis level.  But it calmed down eventually.

My mental status, however, did not calm down.  And by morning, after a restless night spent battling panic and voices, I knew I could no longer continue as treasurer.  My mental health, in particular, will not allow it.  I cannot tolerate the dysfunction, the discord.  I felt, though, that I should continue through at least the February monthly meeting--tomorrow--and I should continue with the commitments I'd made, to run a coffee hour last Saturday and to decorate the bulletin boards for Saturday.  And I've done all that.  And I will submit that resignation tomorrow night.  I had hoped to keep it quiet, but it seems everyone knows that I'm quitting.  Not surprising in a place like this.

I'm unhappy about the situation.  I don't like to quit when I've made a commitment--this was supposed to be for two years and I did it in an effort to try to save the association and its activities.  But I cannot make myself responsible for something that I'm sure will go down in flames anyway, sooner or later.  There are not enough people here who are willing to do something other than complain.  

Today I almost lost my temper when one of the residents kept at me, wanting to know what was happening, why it was happening, and so on.  I had to leave before I really did lose it.  And people noticed.  And when I came back a short time later, people were overly solicitous. 

For someone used to hiding their emotions, always being happy (or looking like it)--it's uncomfortable knowing that people know I'm upset. I'm upset by my failure.  I'm upset because I feel I'm letting people down.  I'm upset because...it doesn't matter, really.

I know--intellectually--that I am doing the right thing.  I wish I could convince my heart.

Since I Last Wrote

My life has become much more complicated.

Hugely complicated.

Whether I am crazy or not remains to be seen.

I agreed to become the treasurer for my building's Tenants Association. I won't bore you with the gory details but if I hadn't stepped up, the association would have folded.  And in my mind that wasn't a outcome I thought necessary, although others disagree.

The Association is responsible chiefly for the twice weekly bingo games which are a big source of entertainment here.  It also puts on a monthly dinner.  It provides other services, such as selling stamps to people, supplying the soda machine, et cetera.  A lot of things would become more difficult, change, or disappear if there was no Association.

I felt that it was important to keep the Association going and so, against my better judgment, I signed on for two years.  I'm already regretting my decision.  In the days since stepping up, I've spent very little time on art or my business.  I've been incredibly busy.  I've been interceding in spats and power struggles.  And it's not the Association that's been the problem either.  I've had meetings, my gallery shifts, and another little problem of becoming a health care advocate for an elderly woman here.  Oh, and Junior has been sick with a cold.  As a result, I've gained at least a few more gray hairs. I don't care about the gray hair.

But I care about the art. 

I should say here that I hate bingo.  More than hate--abhor.  Loathe.  My new position requires that I be at our twice-weekly games.  That's 12 hours a week of preparation and attendance. 

And of course there's all the additional stuff that goes along with the position.  As the former president and vice president keep telling me, my new job is detail-heavy to the max.  I have a lot to keep track of.

So my question to myself is this:  can I still have a life?

In spite of my whinging up above, I think I can.  I just haven't gotten a really clear idea of how to set up a routine just yet, and I think that'll be the case for a few weeks.

But I have to pay attention to myself.  I need to make stuff.  I need to work on what makes me happy.

But I think I have to stop volunteering for things.  Which makes me sad.

Ooooh, it's been a while!

Sorry I've been so quiet.  I was still rather unwell from the flu most of last week, steadily cancelling one or another activities, moving them to other dates.  The problem was really coughing and congestion, and coughing tires me out big time.

So with the extra free time from doing my usual running around--only short outings with my brother & sister in law and my cousin Jan, and my weekly stint at the gallery--or doing anything, one would think I got a lot accomplished.

Not so you'd notice.

Well, I did manage to do the foundations of a lot of cards.  The plan had been to make new valentines and put them on sale on Etsy, but that's not going to happen.  I don't feel like rushing just to get something in the shop.  The plan, then, is to work on occasion cards, like birthdays, get well, thank you--that sort of thing.  And do some Easter cards and maybe some Mother's Day cards.  Maybe I should make some magnets for moms and dads, eh?  Just thought of that.

Mentally, I'm still crossing my fingers, meaning that it's been over a month since I finished Partial and I haven't had a really bad period.  That's not bad.  That's damn good, actually.  There was a short period where I was really downed by the Newtown massacre, but that was a blip.

Anyway, I haven't actually created much to write home about lately.  I mentioned in earlier posts that I was experimenting with abstract pieces and wasn't too thrilled by the results.  I think I also said that I withdrew from the swaps I'd signed up for to do postcards in the style of de Kooning and Kandinsky--also left the group hosting the swaps too.

I still feel at a crossroads when it comes to art, but I know that I need to continue with the stuff that sells.  People love it.  I can't deny that.  I'd like them to buy more of it.  But I'd like to do other things too.

I did just add two pieces to my shop:

https://www.etsy.com/listing/121091534/vintage-collage-on-canvas-wedding-bell

And:

https://www.etsy.com/listing/121088512/vintage-collage-on-canvas-what-to-do?ref=v1_other_2

I particularly like the one just above--"Rosemary."

Anyway, that's what's going on at the moment.  Hopefully it won't take so long for me to post again.

Get Your Flu Shot

Poster From the 1918 Epidemic-Chicago

As I write this I am recovering from influenza--at least, that seems to be the likely diagnosis of what's been ailing me since last Saturday.  And yes, I did get a flu shot.  If I hadn't gotten vaccinated, this would have been much worse, I know.  From past experience, I'm well aware that any cold can turn into bronchitis rather quickly and, since I have asthma, that can be a real problem.  In April 2009, I almost died because of a bronchial infection that triggered a severe asthma attack.  As you can surmise, I'm very wary of this.

Which means that I'm one of CVS's best customer for cold medicine and anything else that might keep these things from developing.  Pneumonia vaccines.  Flu vaccines.  Vitamin C.  I know pretty much at this point what works for me and what I can tolerate.  And I know when I need to see my PCP and when I don't.  This time was a case where I didn't.  I knew what needed to be done.  I watched for any serious issues.  Because there is an influenza epidemic I didn't feel the need to further tax limited resources when I already knew how to take care of myself.

In any case, the last few days have pretty much meant that I haven't felt like doing much except sleep and watch trashy TV.  I did emerge from my apartment periodically, and yesterday actually did my gallery shift and a trip to the bank.  Quite frankly, I was tired of being indoors and felt able to venture out into "fresh" city air.  But I was very tired upon arriving home, and knew I'd have to stay home today.  I did make the mistake of doing some big household chores, which tired me out.  But they had to be done.  Tomorrow perhaps I'll hop over to the supermarket for a few items and to CVS.  But I am seriously taking each day as it comes, making decisions based on how I feel.

The last time I dealt with influenza was during the swine flu epidemic a couple of years ago, which was awful.  I felt far worse, did in fact have to see my doctor who confirmed I did in fact have swine flu, and was pretty useless for several days.  Worse still, it took place over my Christmas break from my then job.  My mood was in the toilet.  It wasn't surprising that a couple of weeks later I was a patient at Rhode Island Hospital's partial program. 

This time, though, things are quite different.  At the moment my mood is pretty good.  It's normal--for me.  I still seem to be benefiting from my most recent sojourn in Partial, I weathered the holidays better than I have in years, and I still feel purposeful.  Perhaps it's because I've occupied myself with Good Works.  Even though I still basically feel that I'm on my own in many ways (few really close people in my life), I do feel surrounded by people who do care about me somewhat.  I think I'm finally reaping the benefits of living where I do.  And that's good.

It also doesn't hurt that I'm finally making some Etsy sales. (rhodyart.etsy.com--hint, hint) Not much money, since the items purchased are all low price point, but it's nice to know that my efforts in creating those items haven't been entirely wasted.

I haven't had much desire to make large pieces which does trouble me but I imagine the urge will come when it wants to come.  So, I'll keep working on the small things in hopes that people continue to buy them.  And I'll continue to seek out places where larger, higher priced pieces can be marketed and sold.  It's definitely worth the effort.

And I promise all those who received 2013 calendars for gifts this year that I will finally make some 2014s for sale.  My therapist and my friend Michele have been pressuring me to sell these calendars for several years.  I actually had intended to do so last year but the Great Calendar Fiasco put me off that plan.  I think, though, it's time to try again.  And start earlier.  That way I won't rush and make mistakes.

Now if only I can stop sneezing and coughing, I'll be good.